Every morning when I wake up at PTSOTL headquarters, I roll out of the bed I share with my widowed mother and four bed-ridden grandparents in a tiny English village and life seems generally dreary. After I'm done with my paper route I come back to log on to the internet, unsure of what fresh, daily stupidity it will belch forth from its irritable digital bowels. Will this day be as ridiculous as the last, I wonder? Yes. Yes it will. Each day begins anew the cavalcade of horrible delights. It's a godamned world of pure imagination. Pure, retarded imagination.
Like this press release I just got.
Carstache® Car Mustaches - The New Global Leader in Automotive Facial Hair
San Francisco, CA -- Carstache LLC has unveiled a new product that literally enhances the face of the entire automotive industry, the “Carstache,” a line of luxurious mustaches made to embellish and adorn the grille of cars and trucks.
Couple questions. If these guys are the leaders, who are the Automotive Facial Hair companies that are lagging behind? Imagine being the third biggest car mustache company in the world? How would you explain that to your parents?
Follow me down the chocolate river ->
|This is like a full PTSOTL bingo.|
You know we don't really like fake mustaches around here to begin with, but maybe we need to rethink that premise, because I hear Khloe Kardashian is into these things.
I was going to just take excerpts from this press release, but I think the whole thing is too good to adulterate. It would be like drawing a mustache on the Mona Lisa's BMW X6. Who am I to stand in the way of a visionary? As a wise, but possibly pederasty inclined eccentric chocolatier once said: “We are the music makers, and we are the dreamers of dreams. Stupid, stupid dreams."
|LOL. We both suck JK.|
Carstache® is the global leader in automotive facial hair, officially endorsed by the American Mustache Institute, delivering the most innovative and amusing in car mustaches. The inaugural Carstache® product line offers mustaches in a variety of colors including: Wisdom Grey, Legendary Blond, So Hot Pink, Classic Black, Grizzly Brown, Purple Pleasure and Firestache Orange.
Carstache® launched on April 1, 2010 and has proven to be no ‘joke,” taking the Media and Hollywood by storm with the likes of Khloe Kardashian writing that she wants a “So Hot Pink” model, and that husband Lamar Odom of the L.A. Lakers would love a Carstache. Thrilled by Kardashian and Odom’s support, Carstache quickly designed a custom purple and gold “Lakers” edition as a gift to the couple, which triggered a Carstache giveaway to fans on Kardashian’s website.
Since its launch, Carstache has been featured in TIME, SPORTS ILLUSTRATED, COMPEX MAGAZINE, HUFFINGTON POST and on CNBC and the FOX NEWS CHANNEL.
Why wear a Carstache? "It’s just absurd and hilarious," explains Carstache® founder Ethan Eyler. “When people spot a Carstache® on the streets, it’s a feel-good thing that cracks people up and puts a smile on their face.”
Eyler further explains Carstache® has proven to be the perfect flash piece for events and special occasions like tailgates, sporting events, April Fool’s, Bar Mitzvah’s, Father's Day, weddings, Halloween, and Cinco-de-Mustache. As Eyler puts it, “When you drive into a tailgate with a Carstache® you get free beer, hot dogs, and high fives, reaching instant celebrity status.”
Your car grille has been naked until now, so it’s time to strap a ‘stach’ and enjoy the ride because the Carstache® has arrived. Carstaches can be purchased online for $39.00 at www.carstache.com.