Thursday, May 16, 2013
Monday, May 13, 2013
Sunday, May 12, 2013
I was just thinking about how the only people who care about winning arguments are invariably the biggest fucking losers you know. That's not a coincidence. It reminded me of this old Street Carnage bit I did, which, speaking of conservative shitheads...
You will never, ever, no matter how pithy the one-liners you’ve been practicing in message board arguments and how shit-eatingly confident your approach, convince someone of the opposite political opinion that they are wrong. About anything. No matter what. Ted Kennedy himself could descend from the heavens riding a chariot made of welfare checks and buy a round of Cape Codders for the bar and the conservative baby you’re talking to who is scared of the browns stealing his money and aborting him in the ass still wouldn’t change his mind. Same rules apply for the opposite end of the political spectrum (replace Teddy with Reagan and Cape Codders with moonshine and baby formula)
Saturday, May 11, 2013
Did you hear the one about the racist NRA president? You probably did if you've been on Facebook or Twitter in the last forty-eight hours. A widely shared article from the website the Free Wood Post headlined, “NRA President Jim Porter: ‘It’s Only A Matter Of Time Before We Can Own Colored People Again,’” has been making the rounds (44,490 shares and 66,000 likes on Facebook), and rightfully so. It's an inflammatory, attention-grabbing hook that plays right into the stereotype liberals have about the people who join the NRA. The only problem here is it's obviously fake, which anyone who spent more than thirty seconds reading the article should have surmised. Even worse, the obvious fakery, so easily forgotten once you get the not-so-subtle gag, has gotten much more attention than the actually creepy things that Porter has really said about the Civil War.
Read the rest at The New Republic.
Tuesday, May 7, 2013
On Monday afternoon, three Ohio women who had been missing for ten or more years, Amanda Berry, Gina DeJesus, and Michelle Knight, were discovered when Berry managed to call police to report she was alive and being held prisoner. The owner of the home, Ariel Castro, was arrested. It’s a horrifying story, and one where there are still many questions to be answered. The home where they were being held is said to be within a few miles of where Berry went missing, in what became a high profile case in the city for years. But who cares about any of that, because we’ve got a quotable African American on the local news to make good sport of. Let’s all have a laugh, shall we, at one Mr. Charles Ramsey, who came to the aid of the women when he noticed Berry screaming from within the home.
Monday, May 6, 2013
Missed your chance to score tickets for the Boston Strong concert at the Garden when they sold out in five minutes today? As a consolation let's all go listen to this new track "Boston (You're My Home)" by Kenzie, which, like most of the best hip hop usually does, tells the mayor what a good job he did in the lyrics while auto-tuning the president saying inspirational things.
As one of the commenters on the YouTube page puts it: "Totally speechless and in tears."
Sunday, May 5, 2013
"Milf" + "teen" are two of the most searched terms on porn sites around the world, but it's rare that we get to witness the brilliant marketing synergy at work of bringing those two disembodied jerk-off fantasies together into one sentient humanoid. In this case, that's Farrah Abraham, from some show about being a teen and also a mom, I guess. Mostly sentient anyway, as this first clip from Farrah Superstar: Backdoor Teen Mom illustrates. In the video Abraham engages in all manner of fornication with adult film star James Deen, and it feels exactly as authentic as you'd imagine the Frankenstein-like wedding of reality TV and reality porn would be. Check it out! My favorite part was where we got to watch her go take a dump while telling Deen to get ready for anal when she's back. Hot.
Wednesday, May 1, 2013
The biggest story of the week, and in sports in the past couple months, came yesterday with veteran NBA player Jason Collins announcing, at age 34, that he is gay. Almost instantly after the news we began dissecting the minutiae of the story, because that’s what we do now. Did he come out too late? critics asked. Was it all just a marketing stunt? the worst people you can imagine opined on message boards. Would it have been more meaningful if he were a star at the top of his game? others offered. If Collins was really, gay, why didn’t the FBI know about it ahead of time!? OPEN YOUR EYES PEOPLE. someone on InfoWars is probably saying right now.
And what about the fact that he isn’t even the first famous athlete to come out as homosexual? Why is he getting so much attention? I’m going to go out on a limb here and assume since you’re reading the website of a New York City-based fashion and arts magazine that most of the controversy around someone coming out seems ridiculous on its face to you, as it should. So what are the sports fans of the world complaining about? Besides hilariously bigoted projections of their Christian values, that is?
Read the rest at Bullett.