Kind of having a hard time working up a good head of hate steam on this obviously irrelevant holiday that regular people use as an excuse to pretend they aren't regular for one day. Why don't we just all save each other's time and go ahead and re-read the bit I did on St. Patrick's Day, but replace all the jokes about the Irish with ones about Mexicans? Actually that sounds homophobic against Mexico. Hey! Get me, I'm from Arizona.
Mexicans are basically just this century's version of the Irish so it should all make sense. The only difference is I'm allowed to make fun of the Irish. No, not because of some politically correct shit. It's because the Irish can't read the internet.
OK, how about let's just say if you consume a Corona or tequila on Cinco de Mayo with air quotes around your face and/or wore any kind of fun hat or popped any sort of thematic Mexican boner then it looks like we're gonna have to let you go. You've been a valuable asset, but we've decided to go in a different direction moving forward. Don't think of this as an ending, think about it as an opportunity for you to go out and begin a new journey toward realizing your goals. Your goals of being a cliche.
PS: The fact that this is my stupid birthday prevents me from ever being able to enjoy going out for a goddamn peaceful dinner in the city without doing a slalom run between over-excited bros eating burrito runoff in reverse off the sidewalk. Thanks for nothing, mom.