I know there's still a lot of time left for someone to beat this lede from the Toronto Star in the "worst sentence of the year" category, but I'm pretty confident the race is effectively over.
She lost a womb but gained a penis.
Somehow, against all odds, it gets even worse once it's further explained.
The former was being removed surgically — full hysterectomy — while the latter was forcibly shoved into her slack mouth.
"Her slack mouth"? *shivers for a thousand years under a blanket of shame* Who wrote this story, Max Hardcore? Jesus Christ. It was actually written, I'm just as surprised to learn as you, by a woman,Rosie DiManno. Naturally, her Canadian media colleagues were not impressed.
OK, maybe it's just a case of a graphic and attention-grabbing lede to get us hooked on the story, right? Nope, this ball of shit keeps rolling down hill.
This woman, whose identity is covered by a publication ban, was testifying Thursday in the trial of Dr. George Doodnaught, an anesthesiologist charged with sexually assaulting 20 women while they were helpless in the North York General Hospital operating theatre, and one at an outside clinic.While they were helpless? That is such an odd phrasing. It doesn't get much better. The details of the story itself are horrifying, and I don't want to make light of the woman's ordeal, but yiiiiikes.
The attractive married mom, then 39, was horrified. “I remember thinking to myself, ‘I do not believe that this is happening to me.’ I closed my eyes and felt myself being almost smothered. He was kissing me, he had his tongue in my mouth, swirling it around.”Not sure why, but somehow "attractive married mom" is the worst part.