[Trigger warning for unfuniness, fat people, pussies.]
Close contest on today's edition of the saddest thing I have ever seen in my life. First up we have a worthy contestant in our new favorite blog, Shakesville, which is literally so unbelievably unfunny in all imaginable ways that it circles all the way back around the world, passes through China, and lands in rending-of-garments, tears-of-blood territory. (also the name of one of my top 15 Christiancore screamo records). As we learned in the comment thread here, the site utilizes some sort of early advance warning alarm system to alert potentially innocent wayfarers of the internet that there may be content which offends them contained therein. It's the equivalent of NSFW, but instead of meaning the post contains boobs, or buttholes, or boners, if you'll excuse my alliteration, it indicates that it might mention racism, or detainee abuse, and, uh, whatever this one means: [Trigger warning for hostility toward autonomy and agency.] Actually, it's more like standing outside an office building all day and giving every single person who walks out a head's up about lion-taming safety precautions. Uh, thanks?
Some of the other headers include [Trigger warning for rape culture, rape "humor."], [Trigger warning for disablism; eliminationism.] and [Trigger warning for fat hatred.] , only one of which is fair game in my book.
Let's be clear about what's going on here, it's not that the writers themselves are engaging in any of those behaviors, but rather that they are writing about other people who are writing about those things, and they feel their readers need to be given a moment to gather up the courage to roll their eye holes over mean words in advance. Obviously it's not written for me, and it seems like a popular blog, so good work, but in their defense, I'm not a puerile imbecile, so maybe I'm outside the demo? Sites like that make me want to renounce my thirty plus years of solid wacko liberalism and go conservative contrarian just out of spite. Maybe that's how something like this happens? Shit. I'm next aren't I?
Oh, and here's the other thing, a heartbreaking video that will heartbreak your heart into a billion pieces, then grind those little leftover pieces into dust, scoop them up into a tiny little baggy, then try to sell the dust back to you at such a huge street value mark up that you're like "Come on, bro." And you pretend like you're not going to buy it, but you do anyway, because it's getting late, and you don't want to miss the heartbreak party. It's a dog who won't leave his injured dog bro4lyfe behind after the tsunami. If you're not ready to blubber by the time he strokes the wounded little fella with his paw then you have no soul, and this is coming from someone who doesn't even like dogs, annoying little shit machines.