Typical member of the Jr No Fun Club
Today he wants to address a serious problem afflicting the scene kids of the world today: premature aging and no fun-having.
There are plenty of things to hate about scene lifers: when they act like they deserve a medal because they saw some preachy, tuneless band in a filthy basement 15 years ago; their doughy physiques; that they drive Volkswagens; how they piss and moan about absolutely anything and everything, and so forth. I like to call them the No Fun Club, because they basically hate on anything that involves people younger than them having fun. Whether it’s music, TV, the latest internet joke, or whatever jeans are currently in style, if it’s something that makes Kids These Days happy, then all the oldfags in the No Fun Club will hate on it.
Fucking pathetic, right?? But what’s even worse is the flipside of this shameful coin: newfags who act like oldfags, AKA the Jr No Fun Club. You know the type: skinny little pussy between 16 and 23, listens to shitty old bands like Botch, His Hero Is Gone, and Minor Threat (with a smattering of shitty new bands like Trash Talk and Defeater), and rages hard whenever a band like Bring Me The Horizon, A Day To Remember or The Devil Wears Prada comes up.
It’s pretty natural for washed-up, jaded has-beens to become bitter and hate on everything the younger generation enjoys, but there’s no excuse for a 21 year-old kid to act like a butthurt, cynical scene grandmother. And yet there are zillions of these little assholes squandering away their youth by acting like old people. It's tragic, and enraging. I know they are just going through a phase where they are trying to show that they’re independent young adults who don’t like baby stuff anymore, but it’s super annoying. Basically, they’re 18 going on 30... Y SO SRS, BRAH??
LOL @ this stupid little kid from Have Heart trying to get “old school cred” by wearing a Bold shirt. Anybody who’s old enough to have listened to Bold when they were still around knows they were always a fucking laughingstock, and the only people who like them now are tryhard little kids and Europeans.
I wish I could say they’ll grow out of it and loosen up, but I’m not so sure they will. We all know tons of people in their early/mid-30s who are still butthurt as fuck about life in general, anti-partying like it’s 1992: chubby, angry, indie-old-maids who have nothing but some faded Morrissey tattoos, a prescription for Zoloft, some cats and a huge chip on their shoulder, and their male counterparts who can’t see that the retarded bands filling the aisles of Hot Topic today are no different than the equally-retarded bands who filled the sweaty basements and vegan bakesales of our youth.
Kids, you don’t want to end up like all the miserable assholes in the No Fun Club. Take advantage of the few years you have with relatively little responsibility before life crushes your dreams and makes you long for the quiet peace of a swift, painless death. There’s a very short period of time where it’s both possible and socially acceptable for you to listen to popular music, fuck strangers and generally act like an irresponsible idiot with very few consequences, so my suggestion is to put down that Touche Amore 7”, pick up a Corona, and crank the new Hollywood Undead joint in your mom’s Acura, and quit acting like a narc.